Friday, 30 March 2018

Daisy Is Dead











A poem that ended up being surprising in its brutal honesty, inspired by the search of my name entered into the googlism search engine. Also found 'daisy is always on our mines', 'daisy is a perennial weed' (astute observation) and several of 'daisy is not here.'


There is a feeling that only exists
inside the colour red
born from something that only ever
existed in my head.
I think it's train-crash tragic
that the foundations of my mind
are too fragile to hold anything
in the wreck I left behind.

Sounds of cheering stadiums
are howling from next door.
Mislaid plans and broken promises
are scattered on the floor.
I never used to be afraid
but now I worry more and more
I've gone so far out, I can't go back
to who I was before.

And I never liked her anyway.
I tortured her almost to death.
But with each dream that takes me home
I lose all of my breath.
And I never liked her anyway,
everything was coloured red.
i couldn't kill that thing inside of her
so I killed her instead.

'What can I do with my brain?'- and I attempted to answer

The question of all questions- the monster inquisition that yielded pages of writing and some serious mind-mappage, which now looks like an imperceptible mess. I am not going to bore you by uploading the mountains of text that I just typed up, flying off on some kind of pursuit-of-knowledge, brain-and-behaviour-addict contact high, because I am back now and I actually managed to answer that question more than anybody on Quora could and more than I thought was possible. I'm sure there are quite a few bases I haven't covered or processes I forgot to include, but I'm going to try not to think about that on my comedown. I'd say goodnight but I am never going to sleep. I'll go to the doctor next week and get medicine. Until then, can someone whack me with a golf club and knock me out?

Psychopathy Songs

Schizophrenia Songs
I Believe I Can Fly
Bittersweet Symphony
Can't Get You Out Of My Head
Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Where Is My Mind?

Cluster A PDs- odd or eccentric
Drugs Don't Work
Suspicious Minds
Paranoid Android
Cold, Cold Heart
Comfortably Numb
Unfinshed Sympathy
Master of Puppets
I Must Belong Somewhere

Cluster B PDs- dramatic, emotional or erratic
Borderline
Truly Madly Deeply
Bleed Like Me
Time To Pretend
Alone Again, Naturally
Highway To Hell
Best Deceptions
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
I Shot The Sheriff
So Emotional
We Didn't Start The Fire

Cluster C PDs- anxious or fearful
Under Pressure
Tainted Love
Heart of Glass
Stutter
You Don't Know Me

Mood disorders e.g Bipolar Types I and II, Depression, Anxiety etc. 
Killing Me Softly
Livin' On A Prayer
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
Do You Know What It Feels Like
Such Great Heights
Maniac
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Everybody Hurts
Help!
The Tears Of A Clown

Behavioural disorders e.g. OCD, Substance Abuse, Bulimia etc.
The Ice Is Getting Thinner
Hard To Explain
Everything In Its Right Place
Rehab
99 Problems
Whatever Gets You Thru The Night
Here I Go Again
Time After Time
The Needle And The Damage Done
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Road To Nowhere
I Believe In Symmetry
Hungry Eyes
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
An Attempt To Tip The Scales
I Will Survive

Psychosomatic disorders
It's All In My Head
I'm A Believer
Strange Magic
Imagine

Thursday, 29 March 2018

The cycle of grief

And grief was eating
all that I'd let it.
And it didn't stop hurting
and I couldn't forget it.

Until I'd given up thinking
that I could outlive it.
Then I finally did,
when I could forgive it.

More dictionary poem entries, E-I








Glory Be The Girl

Glory be the girl who, when asked what she will do in the troubling times ahead, replies: I hope, I hope, I hope.

Glory be the girl who is like Rome- built on ruins and breathtaking.

Glory be the girl who feels blessed and cursed all at once, for love is the blessing and time is the curse.

Glory be the girl who picks up fallen stars and makes sure they get back home.

Glory be the girl who is friend and traitor and failure and saviour.

Glory be the girl who goes back for her body.


Psychology Rhymes

Phonological loop,
Tests like the Stroop.
Randomised group.

Sphericity.
Implicit and explicitly.

Delayed autitory feedback.
Panic attack.
Social categorisation is more than white and black.

Hypothalamic-pituitary axis.
Anterograde amnesiacs learning through practce.

Exexcutive control.
The probability of another goal.
Gestalt psychology making it whole.

Psychodynamic.
A little more panic.
Serotonergic secretion.
Ego depletion.

Goodness of fit.
What's the word for it?
Smoking is a death escalator- you had better quit.
Remember to implement your intent.

Heuristic.
Autistic.
Typical occitipal.

Fundamental attribution error on the road.
Illusory conjunction and cognitive load.

Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
Stress-diathesis.
Social cognition.
Word and sentence recognition.

Logarithmic transformation.
Preliminary steps towards construct validation.
Stranger situation to test attachment formation.

Sum of total error.
Irrational terror.



First four entries of the dictionary poem





My Brain, My Best Friend: Self-Serving Cognitive Biases

We know the brain can do a lot- more than we will ever be able to understand- and is the most complex thing in our universe. What we don’t think about is how our brains are our best friends and fiercest protectors. As we go about everyday life, the brain is consistently and unfailingly working to keep a proverbial pair of rose-tinted glasses over our eyes. Beneath the level of our awareness so we don’t even know it, our brain is making things better for us, making us comfortable. Even though living doesn’t always feel comfortable, we will never know what discomfort is because our brain simply will not allow it. Everything the human brain does is self-serving and for our own benefit. This sounds like a possibly ominous thing, but it’s the opposite of that. Our sense of identity is as fragile as it is important and everywhere we go, everything we do and everyone we meet could potentially threaten the self-esteem that we have spent our entire lives constructing. But the brain will not allow us to be exposed to these threats, and it does this using cognitive biases.
Through describing various biases and how they operate, I will demonstrate the myriad ways in which our brains use them to protect us.

The Illusion of Control

Humans have the tendency to believe that they can control or at the very least influence what the outcome will be, to believe that they have the ability to exert more control over their environment than they ever realistically could. As a result of this cognitive bias, money is gambled away, unwise trades are made and consequences be damned. Although most people will agree that there an overlap between skill and luck, the distinction is only clear in principle. In situations requiring skill, there is a causal link between behaviour and outcome. Therefore, success in skill tasks can be controlled. However, success in luck or chance situations is out of our control. We just can’t see it that way.
Our brain has created for us an illusion of control so that people assume to have skills in chance situations. Studies have shown that people deny that chance is involved at all until they need it to be- until we need to have someone or something else to blame. Illusion of control, in my opinion, was created by our brains in order for us to live under the pretence that the universe in which we exist is not governed entirely by chaos. By keeping up this illusion, our brain keeps us from having to confront the idea that everything is random, that therefore all our efforts and skills and predictions and tribulations are meaningless. This bias is helpful to us because it alleviates our overall discomfort with ambiguity and uncertainty, letting us convince ourselves that we can control and predict the outcome of altogether uncertain future events. It also lets us continue believing that we will be able to cope with whatever life throws at us. That’s good for us too, because we’ll never know how we’re going to cope until we have something unexpected to cope with, and no good can come from living with the belief that we will be unable to cope.

Better-Than-Average Effect

Most of us believe we are smarter and more hard-working than average. We cannot all be correct. I was confronted by the truth of this bias when I was analysing the results of my undergraduate dissertation. One of the tasks the participants in my study had to do was to look at the bell curve graph illustrating the population’s IQ scores and give themselves estimates for where they believed themselves to be on the graph with regards to different subscales of emotional intelligence- relationships, motivation, empathy, optimism, emotional management, self-regulation etc. They were informed that the majority of the population will score approximately 100, and if you have a score of below 70 or above 145 you are extraordinary in that so few people will score this way. I was shocked to find that all the participants with the exceptions of myself and only two other people gave self-estimates that unfailingly exceeded 115, and often people scored themselves 145 for every scale. These findings were accidental but demonstrated that people do indeed believe that their scores are not just better than other people’s but the best, and therefore they are one of the gifted few. Of course, the differences between self-estimates and actual scores was enormous and it’s illogical to suggest that all participants could be among the gifted few because it would turn that few into a lot.
In particular, when it comes to the issue of our moral character, such as honesty and trustworthiness, we have such a disproportionate sense of our own superiority that jailed criminals consider themselves more moral than citizens who haven’t broken the law.
It isn’t hard to see why we have this cognitive bias. It’s another defence mechanism created by our brains to protect our fragile human egos. When it comes to moral traits, we are especially blind and especially irrational. We hold inaccurate and irrational views of ourselves that are overly rosy because they make us feel better about who we are. There may also be an evolutionary explanation for why we downplay the moral qualities of others in comparison to our own- for the purpose of survival, it’s safer to assume someone is less trustworthy than you.

Confirmation Bias

We all know how arguments work. What we aren’t aware of is that our unconscious minds have distorted the evidence before we’ve thought about it. Confirmation bias is our tendency to seek out, interpret, favour and remember information so that our pre-existing beliefs are confirmed. People demand a high standard of evidence for ideas they don’t like and a much lower standard for ideas they prefer. For some ideas, their reaction is- Can I believe this? For other ideas- Must I?
As humans we have an excessive drive for consistency. The motivation to create for ourselves a cohesive and coherent, consistent narrative even when we have experienced change may prevent us from fairly evaluating new information that challenges our narrative. Famous research showed that people’s memories of autobiographical events can be inaccurate when they are asked to recall times in the past when their beliefs were different- they seem to forget who they once were and that they underwent any change of mind or heart and believe they have always been the way that they are in the present.

Partisan Bias

A general assumption about politics is that liberals are more, well, liberal than conservatives. But there is evidence to show that liberals are just as prone to bias as conservatives. Some recent research demonstrates that both liberals and conservatives in equal measure are prone to partisan bias- they rapidly and easily accept evidence when it supports their existing beliefs. It’s not a puzzle, the reason why we have this bias. When evidence corroborates views we already have and are comfortable with, with this bias our brains give us less reason to be sceptical and discerning when doing so might shake our foundations. The brain is exceedingly protective, it’s amazing that we have this fail-safe to protect us from having to doubt our established beliefs, but also shocking that our identities are indeed so fragile that losing conviction in the beliefs we have becomes a threat the brain has to protect us from. Nietzsche argued that conviction is equivalent to ignorance and/or laziness and that intelligence shows through doubting what we know and believe and one another.

SPOT Effect

There’s a new bias about the town of cognition research. Gregg et al. showed that simply asking people to imagine that a theory is their own will bias them to believe that the theory is true. They called it the Spontaneous Preference For Own Theories (SPOT) Effect.
The studies sound like they were fun. Hundreds of people were asked to imagine a fictional planet in a faraway solar system that is inhabited by a variety of creatures, some of which are predators and the rest prey. They were told to focus on two species- Niffities and Luppites- and asked to imagine that they had their own theory that the Niffities were the predators and the Luppites were their prey, or else to imagine that somebody named Alex had this theory. They were then presented with a series of facts relevant to the theory, a few mildly supportive of the theory, but the last providing strong evidence against the theory. After each piece of evidence in the series was presented, they were asked to rate how likely it was that the theory was true or not true. The findings show that the simple fact they had been asked to imagine the theory belonged to them or someone else could influence how they interpreted the theory. When it was their own theory, they were more stubborn and persistent in believing it was true, even when faced with increasing evidence to prove otherwise.
The truth is- it’s easy to induce bias in people, even when based on something with such little personal importance- and this truth, as stated by Gregg and colleagues, ‘only underlines how exquisitely sensitive to self-enhancing biases the human mind actually is.’

Fundamental Attribution Error

The FAE occurs when people place undue emphasis on internal characteristics of the agent such as their character or intention, rather than external factors, to explain other people’s behaviour. But when it comes to interpreting their own behaviour, they do the complete opposite. Another way to see this bias is as our tendency to believe that what people do reflects who they are.
Here’s a simple example- Alice is driving and is cut off in traffic by Bob. Alice attributes Bob’s behaviour to his fundamental personality e.g. he is selfish, he is an unskilled driver etc. She does not think that it might be situational e.g. he is rushing to the hospital, he is late for a flight, there’s an emergency at home etc. Then, Alice makes the same mistake as Bob and instead of believing that she is selfish or unskilled, she excuses herself by blaming situational causes.
Isn’t it amazing how, when we have done well in an exam or test or some other evaluation of our knowledge or skill or aptitude, we congratulate ourselves for our smarts. But when we fail or get a below-par grade, it’s because we were drinking the night before, we had not slept properly, we didn’t have enough time to prepare. With this bias, our brains protect us from having to grapple with blaming ourselves or facing up to less-than-impressive facets of our personalities.

Defensive Pessimism

At this point you may be thinking- about FAE- that’s not true for me! You may be thinking- but I blame myself for everything! I’m my own harshest critic! If this is the case, then you are not someone who is naturally unbiased. You are actually also operating under the influence of bias.
This is called defensive pessimism. It’s a cognitive strategy so that people can prepare themselves for anxiety-provoking events. If you believe you are hard on yourself and look for reasons to take blame, your brain is still working for you to protect your sense of self. It means you set low expectations for how you are going to perform, regardless of how well you have done in the past. If your expectations are lower, you don’t have to disappoint yourself or anyone else. So your brain is still serving you, and you are just as self-serving. Which is, as we have seen, universal and not a bad thing but necessary for us to carry on.

Social Comparison Bias

Whether we are good with numbers or good with people or anything else, we all have something we feel we are particularly good at. From an early age, this strength becomes important for maintaining our self-esteem, which the brain, as we have seen, is fighting so tirelessly to protect from harm. As children and as adults, we tend to choose friends who excel on different dimensions than ourselves. This is a good way we can eliminate threat from our social circle.
A recent study asked participants to undergo verbal and mathematics tasks to which they were given false feedback. Then, they were presented with the scores achieved by others and asked to select one of them to join their team for a group coordination task that would involve throwing around a tennis ball. Those who were tricked into thinking that they had excelled on the maths test tended to choose the potential team member who was strong on verbal skills and weaker at maths. Those who were told they excelled on the verbal task made the opposite selection. It is not likely that they were just striving for a balanced team because neither maths nor verbal skills were relevant to a task that involves tossing around a ball.

Cone of Gaze

Biases can even manipulate perception. Our brains actually alter the way we perceive the minutiae of the world in order to make it easier to cope with. One study demonstrates this by inducing a feeling of loneliness among some participants- all participants take part in a virtual throw and catch game, believing that they are throwing and catching the virtual ball between themselves and two other people. For half of the participants, the two people they were led to believe they were playing with were programmed to only throw the ball between one another, excluding the participant. For the other half, the game went on between all three. For the former group, being left out of the game and believing that two other people were playing with one another but not with them induced a feeling of loneliness or social ostracisation. All participants were next asked to look at pictures of faces, all showing people with eyes looking away or towards them from different angles. They had to rate which faces were looking directly at them. Those who had been left out of the game and were feeling lonely were more likely to actually believe the eyes on the faces in those pictures were looking at them. What is called the ‘cone of gaze’- the extent to which eyes can stray from direct contact before we see them as being averted- expands following the social ostracisation. So it can be made up for by feeling we are, in fact, being looked at.
So it’s not just our beliefs and thoughts that are affected by biases, but also our perception. This study underlines the protective nature of the brain- when we feel lonely, it changes how we see people and their response to us by letting us believe we are being looked at and included.

Our brains are tricky and genius, powerful and crafty machines, constantly working to protect us from threats we don’t even realise are there. Even though the existence and prevalence of cognitive biases mean that the world we experience is not, in actuality, comes to us through many different filters, having been distorted or adapted or amended, we cannot escape them and wouldn’t want to if we could. I personally believe that we can access thoughts and realisations that may seem damaging to our self-esteem or sense of self, and that we can change our beliefs, and that we can, at the very least, be aware that we are fundamentally biased, but I additionally conclude this: if you are not ready to see it, your brain won’t make it visible; if you are not ready to know it, your brain will not let you.

Friday, 16 March 2018

Margins

She got her degree in philosophy.
She travelled but never learnt how to ski.
Taking all her prayers, put them under the stairs.
They sound like weight on an untuned piano key.

Your meant to give it more than that.
Suspend disbelief throughout every act.
And at the last curtain call,
the backdrop will fade, the scenery fall.

If life is a stage and our lives are displayed
we should know by now what to expect.

He's been shooting cats, setting traps for rats.
Organising the place where he hangs his hats.
He knows how to cook. Always carries a book.
Lives on the basement of a block of flats

and he's not going forward or back
and might have a panic attack.
And he's not really living.
with the birds not wanting to sing.

He no longer hears with two functioning ears.
There's no point in listening.

She always gets sunburn. She tries to learn
when to hold back and when to take a turn.
She doesn't place bets, and as bad as it gets
she just waits because everything gets a return.

She's too timid to interupt
though the volcano is about to erupt.

And in the same way, she will silently lay
until she has to quit the taciturn.

Without You a la Adrian Herni

Without you, pigeons would forget how to fly and sit in crowds on old monuments.
Without you, the world would be a poor rendering of the real, a virtual reality, a simulatiion.
Without you, I'd have a lot of space and the whole double bed to make room for emptiness.
Without you, someone would find concrete evidence disproving the existence of God
Without you, every road would lead to another road leading back to the start of one big road.
Without you, Gizmo would stop bothering to become a Gremlin.
Without you, all ventroloquists would develop persistent tardysknaisia.
Without you, the skeleton key only opens the doors behind which there are skeletons.
Without you, all storms in snowglobes would pass.
Without you, instruments would vibrate with the snapping of broken strings.
Without you, our room is just four walls and a ceiling.
Without you, publishing houses would stop printing books of poetry.
Without you, they'd always sell the same stickers.
Without you, every smartie would be red.
Without you, everything that is red will cause migraines in those who dare to look.
Without you, red roadsigns will pull passing cars into wreckage.
Without you, red paint would appear increasingly more like blood.
Without you, red images would fade out of Schindler's List.
Without you, the concord would keep crashing over and over again.
Without you, the train would be either empty or packed full.
Without you, the train would always break down so I'd have to find coach rides home.
Without you, there would be a missing kid's photo on every front page.
Without you, birthday celebration rituals will be extinct.
Without you, my favourite fictional hero suddenly dies.
Without you, I forget how to smile.
Without you, nothing is worth enough anymore.
Without you, I am still eternally one half of a split whole.
Without you, I stop giving out chances.
Without you, I stop believing in the kindness of strangers.
Without you, I stop playing on words.
Without you, I stop.

Thursday, 15 March 2018

Roadworks

I cannot cry or open my eyes
or read a sentence I don't want to revise.
The neuroses, the buckling knees,
the life that I'd live if I were in disguise

and it's near yet far away,
it's clear and plain as day

but I'm pushing my luck
like an old garbage truck-
my worthlessness won't get out of the way.

Narcissism songs

Pick up the receiver, I'll make you a believer.- Personal Jesus.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry- Hard To Say I'm Sorry.
I'm simply the best.- Simply The Best.
I am the champion, my friend.- We Are The Champions
Don't forget about me, don't-don't-don't-don't.- Don't Forget About Me.
Wake me up before your ego,- Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
When I think about me I touch myself.- I Touch Myself.
I know not everybody has got a a body like me.- Faith.
I'm so vain, I bet this song is about me.- So Vain.
Hello? It's me you're looking for? - Hello.
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. - Wannabe.
What a wicked game to play, to make you feel this way. - Wicked Game.
I am always on my mind. - Always On Your Mind.
I'm talking with the man in the mirror.- Man In The Mirror.
I'm beautiful, it's true.- You're Beautiful
I'm too sexy for my shirt.- Too Sexy.
Every now and then I fall apart. - Total Eclipse Of The Heart.
This is way beyond my remote concern of being condescending.- Caring Is Creepy.
It's about time for my arrival.- Dirrty.
I told you to be patient, I told you to be fine, I told you to be balanced, I told you to be kind.- Skinny Love.
I'm bad, I'm really really bad.- Bad.
I'm gonna serve it to you and that ain't what you want to hear but that's what I'll do.- Seven Nation Army.
Shoot 'em in the back now.- Blitzkrieg Bop.
You really think you're in control?- Crazy.
Please allow me to introduce myself; I'm a man of wealth and taste.- Sympathy For The Devil.
Mama, I just killed a man. Put a against his head, pulled the trigger, now he's dead.- Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to lately.- I Don't Wanna Be.
I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted.- Sympathy.
I'm damaged bad at best.- Say Yes.
And I haven't got time for you either.- Sticks 'N' Stones.
I put a spell on you and now you're mine.- I'll Put A Spell On You.
You like me too much.- You Like Me Too Much.
I set my watch to the atomic clock.- Easy/Lucky/Free.
I'm still a superhot female.- What Are You Waiting For?
Save some face, you know you've only got one.- Smile Like You Mean It.
All I wanna do is take your money.- Paper Planes.
Remember my name.- Fame.
Still crazy after all these years.- Still Crazy After All These Years.
I'm a killer queen. - Killer Queen.
Supermassive black soul.- Supermassive Black Hole.
I never want to hear you say, I want it that way.- I Want It That Way.
This pleasure-seeking individual always looks his best.- Dedicated Follower of Fashion.
The winner takes it all.- Winner Takes It All.
That boy needs therapy,- Frontier Psychiatrist.
Love will tear us apart again.- Love Will Tear Us Apart.
I do as I please and I lie through my teeth, somone might get hurt but it won't be me.- Take It Easy (Love Nothing).
Seven ways to get ahead, seven reasons to drop out.- I'll Try Anything Once.
This man said "it's gruesome that someone so handsome should care."- Charming Man.
I can always get what I want to.- Can't Always Get What You Want.
Now what the hell are you waiting for? After me, there shall be no more.- Encore.
Don't speak, I know just what you're thinking.- Don't Speak.
I'll be fine - if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit. I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.- The Importance Of Being Idle.
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.- Folsom Prison Blues.
I'm bringing sexy back.- Sexyback.
I played with your heart, got lost in the game.- Oops! I Did It Again.
I crashed my car into a bridge. I don't care. I love it.- I Love It.
Broke your jaw once before. Spilt your blood upon the floor.- Kiss With A Fist.
I'll never do what common people do.- Common People.
Dancing with myself.- Dancing With Myself.
I'm so fucking special.- Creep.
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?- Psycho Killer.
Hey, I'm gonna get you too.- Another One Bites The Dust.
I wanna know what love is.- I Want To Know What Love Is.
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal.- Smooth Criminal.

Conor Oberst says it too well

"Now I walk around in some kind of altered state.
The drink in my hand is starting to shake.
I get used to it if it has to stay this way.
A new bunch of flowers I'll have to arrange. 
I don't want to eat or get out of bed.
Try to recall what the therapist said-
Ego and Id, the Essential Self,
You are who you are and you are someone else. 
But I'm worn gossamer thin.
Like Delicate Arch, carved by the wind.
There's a glass psyche at stake.
Throw me a brick, see if it breaks.
'Cause the mind and the brain aren't quite the same
But they both want out of this place."

The Fate of Togetherness


Her fate: trapped in the belly of a star until its last light extinguished.
Suspended in fiery, in amber. Curled tight. The place before birth.
The place before anything – where they all begin and where they all return.

A light so bright it feels like darkness. So bright that there was and is nothing else.
Beyond, beyond… She slept, a billion years, a trillion years. Innumerable moments.
She slept and slept and absorbed all the light, stocking up on ammunition.
Then, a breath. A final shuddering gasp– and she exploded, his head fell into water.

Scream. Rinse. Repeat. How long until drowning? Could he kill the thing inside him?
The bad thing, the wrong thing– Would he have to kill all of him?
A shadow on the bathroom wall. The demon? The monster? The alien? Drown it out.
He looked again– Nothing. Forget it, forget it…There was no time. He had to kill it.
Now. Before he was discovered, back to water.

Shadow-figures spotted at the edge of town. Faces all crossed out.
Something gone fuzzy. They buzzed like insects, moved like smoke.
Trapped along the border, they danced, phantom limbs contorting grotesquely.
someone said; vibrations passed through shadows, heads pulled up by invisible strings.
Empty faces gazing toward the heavens, seeing with no eyes.

Imagine the great starburst of light that came then, a fleet of ships or angels.
Salvation or damnation? But something. At least, something…
There was sky and stars and they waited and waited, silent with prayer.
Nothing came. They were together, but it was not enough.





Straight from the heart/brain- no edits

Slow-dance around the room like long-lost lovers.
Bury the phantom of regret and falls grinning
towards the next dead-end
after a lifetime spent swerving away
from the same old echoes
of what makes the sky happy,
what makes motion pictures
of what happy looks like
to other people. People who are not us.
I'm not interested in fossilised smiles anymore.

Thursday, 8 March 2018

dystopian aesthetics

- overgrown wildflowers licking rundown buildings and cracked pavements, a morbid painting
- cityscapes lit in neon, shop windows aglow with an enticing pulse
- intricate bridges and self-driving cars zipping along electric transoceanic highways
- every home appliance is automated, all service is carried out by machines, roadside eateries populated only by solitary diners and robotic waiters
- in the polished city which sits underneath a geodome that shields its glass and chrome structures from the erosion of vicious acid rain, nothing natural simply grows but is modified, planted, arranged, designed; it's only on the outskirts where you might find wildflowers or weeds, where you may find natural trees and shrubs and grasses, and this is by most considered part of what is wrong with the world, considered to be mess by a populace who are accustomed to the strange dichotomy of having control over so much at the same time as having given up control to artificially intelligent machines and other technology
- in the areas that have not been refurbished lie houses with shambled rooftops and mould infestations in every corner, ash lining the streets, gaunt faces peering out of fogged up windows; they say that in such places, at night, you can hear the screams reverberate over routine sounds of traffic and holographic advertisements for mood stabilising pharmaceuticals, subcutaneous implants that enhance the senses and combat diseases, and life insurance plans; somebody has spray-painted a plea for help in code over an old and faded 'we're open' sign
- Michael Jackson songs reverberating from the insides of nuclear bomb shelters where people escape into their alternate and entirely virtual lives; the boundaries between existences, real and simulated, becoming more blurred and imperceptible
- you can find illegal drug-laced tattoos on the arms of individuals, inked in night club bathroom stalls, the best highs produced by the ones that glow in the dark
- people becoming gradually more aware and even paranoid with concerns about increased surveillance and intrusions on their privacy; you can feel them behind you, their breaths hiss through teeth gritted behind gas masks
- you avoid paying attention to strangers in terrifying make-up and flamboyant costumes because escaped video game characters are not to be trifled with and a bunch of pixels can’t hurt you, at least that’s what the news says
- shady underground dwellings where people on the border of society, people who can’t afford to continue the breathless race in pursuit of perfection or do not have the motivation or energy to continue bettering themselves and their surroundings, these people collect dust and turn to self-harm or violent crime just to remind themselves they are still real, still alive
- outside the geodome, black rain viciously beats down from the sky every six months, corroding the windows of abandoned cars and what used to be supermarkets, council estates, schools.

A pretty duet