Bury the Junk

Basement

Tucked under a stack of dusty shelves next to a broken xylophone,
where I don’t have to avoid you. I thought I might see you
when the party moved to the garage, girls with red wine mouths
and men all dressed the same, their eyes shiny and lifeless
as marbles. I don’t want to be a broken faucet or the future of
electromagnetics. Just set on the idea of being clearly understood
and uncomplex. There are old carcasses grimacing in the sink.
I am happy because at least we are both alive, even though,
one day not long ago though I couldn’t say when, I petrified.
Ineedmoreofwhathelpsmethink. I need not to think of you at all.
All the leaves blown up from the pavements pile on the bed.
We’re all working hard on our dreams. Life didn’t meet the grade
last year, but I felt free, even if I was free just to realise
that I will never fit in. That everything changes with expectations
I’ll never meet and expensive wine I’ll never tell apart from
the cheap stuff and seeing clearly that some people have it simple
and that’s enviable because I don’t, but it’s also not obtainable.
Sometimes I know it would be better if I were a scarecrow
with hay bails for brains and good posture, a fastened-on face,
a purpose that everybody is sure of. I know for certain
a scarecrow would be preferred to me. I wonder what it’s like
to always think that your life is what everyone sees as just right.

Alfred J's Song

You and I then, let us go
when the evening starts to glow
and there’s no one else about.
You and I, then, let’s go out.
When the streets are all deserted.
Let us not be disconcerted.
Let's try this time to prevent
the ever-looming argument.
When no resolution can be found
Our talks and walks go round and round.
A circle's round without an end.
That's how long I want to be your friend.
Something’s sleeping on the floor
and I would much like to say more
but instead I chew a peach
and walk all lonely on the beach.
Wondering how to part my hair,
wondering how much I should care
when the one I love sits over there
at the window with a vacant stare.
Screw up the stars in a fist,
thinking of lips I should have kissed,
watching lonely people wait
for life to be served on a plate.
Evening growling like a dog
and yellowing in winter fog.
I hear mermaids calling me
from the reaches of the sea.
Maybe that's all in my head
and all the mermaids here are dead
but I hear their distant song
and when I walk here I sing along.
Do I dare, I have to wonder.
Double trouble boils like thunder.
I hide behind my smart attire.
I hide because I am a liar.
Knowing I am just the same
as everyone else who has a name.
Knowing a life built of fear
feeling far from what is near.
This I think is a love lament
though most of my days are spent
growing into my cold shoulder,
growing colder getting older.
I sometimes think what could have been
if I’d let myself be seen
but mediocre is my shield
and politeness keeps my truth concealed.
I am not a special man.
I have always done what I can
but what I can do is not enough.
I wish I was made of stronger stuff.
Wishes are frivolous to keep
and tend to keep you from your sleep.
I try not to think into the deep.
I cannot take the faithful leap.
It’s not quite lonely, but not otherwise
wearing always this disguise
and finding safety in solitude.
No wonder that they call me prude.
I know they laugh behind my back.
I know very well all that I lack.
I should have been a go getter.
I should have been so much better
but that’s just flight and fancy talking.
I would rather spend time walking
on the sand not wearing shoes.
If you don’t compete you cannot lose.
They call me Prufrock, sometimes J.
To them, I'm fine, that I'm okay.
All I am is what they say.
But I know I'm the one that will stay
come the hell or when water's high,
even though I know I'm shy.
I know happiness is best when shared.
If they only knew how much I've cared.

wordswordswords

And two poems, one very personal, the other very not.

Moments

What Didn't Flash Before Her Eyes

When she understood her first game of chess.
When she was runner up.
When she swam in the sea fearlessly.
When she heard the words I Love You struggle from his mouth.
When she landed on the ice and didn’t fall.
When she shut the door and was brave.
When she was sad because someone else was sad.
When she was happy because someone else was happy.
When she fell asleep on the train and travelled far beyond what she knew.
When she went elsewhere and came back.
When she learnt to identify fox gloves and two distinct birds.
When she read what Katy Did because she’d been told to, what Katy Did Next because she wanted to.
When she felt beautiful and invisible and good at his birthday party.
When she got an upgrade on an aeroplane and fell asleep with all the leg room.
When she broke a bone in a playground at night.
When she protested for peace.
When she photographed them smiling.
When she walked calmly across a stage.
When she made a statement about double standards.
When she was eloquent at the dinner table.
When she decided to let it go.
When she said goodbye and looked back.
When she said no and meant no.