I have a home.
I have a past.
I have hope.
I have been loved.
I have been resented.
I have been held.
I have been hurt.
I have believed.
I have belief still.
I have known those who do bad things.
I have known those who do good things.
I have been to boarding school.
I have cried in the shower to make it less painful.
I have seen the twin towers pierced by planes.
I have enjoyed examinations to keep my mind still.
I have never been resilient.
I have never been aggressive.
I have never spoken up for those I should have.
I have taken a lot - too much- for granted.
I have cried at my mother’s wedding for joy.
I have cried at my mother’s words for shame.
I have spent months in hospitals, my families on holiday.
I have spent years recovering from what put me there.
I have scars that most likely will not ever fade on my wrists.
I have not have done that if I’d known the mess I’d make.
I have most likely done it anyway as I wanted to bleed.
I had someone who thought like me, who inspired me.
I have seen this person in a casket and read out a poem.
I have been refused the allowance to go anywhere alone to cry.
I have been beaten up by my larger yet younger sister.
I have also been slapped by her on that day.
I have wondered why grief could lead to violence.
I have grieved until my mind fell apart.
I have made assumptions, assumptions, etcetera.
I have fabricated a persona for myself.
I have torn that patchwork apart.
I have seen how little I know who I am.
I have questioned who I am, and if I am at all.
I have heard and seen non-existent enemies.
I have battled that which nobody can see exists.
I have won trophies before yet having won meant the world.
I have helped others until pieces of sanity were reassembled.
I said the wrong thing to the ‘right’ people.
I have said the perfect thing to the ‘wrong’ people.
I have shaken and stirred.
I have mended and made.
I have apologised countless times.
I have no idea whether I’ll truly be welcome.
I have a feeling that I am just like extra luggage.
I have no dissolution that this is not anyone’s fault but my own.
